Diplomacy
by Kiki-SG13
Summary: A crossover bewtween SPD and Stargate SG1 resulting in alien cake and shotgun marriages.


Diplomacy

"The aliens made them do it."

"Unavoidable, Sir."

"They wouldn't let us through the gate till...till they ah, did it...Sir."

"We had...we had to watch, completely helpless during the entire ceremony..."

"They even made us cake!"

Seven sets of eyes turned to the person who spoke that last statement. The younger man blushed under the scrutiny.

"Well...they did. And it was good alien cake too."

"Well that's just good to know, Doctor," Colonel Jack O'Neill, the second in command at Cheyenne Mountain, spoke with exaggerated kindness at his newest team of military officers and civilian consultants. "Good to know that despite being forced into some ancient ritual of alien mumbo-jumbo at spear-point, you were all consoled afterwards with lots of dessert. I mean, hey what's an alien shotgun marriage without cake? These things happen to SG teams all the time."

"Are you going to let them finish their story, Jack?" The dry voice of Doctor Daniel Jackson said from Jack's right side.

"For example, exhibit A," Jack finished, gesturing to the archeologist. Daniel responded with his usual 'you are such a child' stare over the rim of his glasses.

"If we could get back on track here, people," General Hammond said sharply. The man in charge of the SGC then turned his attention to the four young people standing awkwardly at attention in front of him. "I need specifics--and not about the wedding feast, Dr. Carson."

Dr. Bridge Carson, a twenty-five year old genius with a PHD in Computer Engineering and Artificial Intelligence, blushed and shut his mouth with a loud snap.

"Sir," twenty-six year old 2nd Lieutenant Sydney 'Syd' Drew stepped forward, "If I may...what Bri-- Dr. Carson is trying to say, is that the natives on P3X-489 were very open to our arrival in their main city. Hospitable even. I mean, that is why we were assigned to the Hcetwen in the first place--"

"You were assigned to P3X-489 for your first solo mission, precisely because it was deemed safe by our people. The Hcetwens are good solid allies. Which is why I fail to understand how you four managed, in two days, to jeopardize our treaty with them and almost start a war with a civilization that has claimed to have been at peace for 200 years!"

"Just lucky I guess--Ow!"

Carson yelped as the third member of the team, Dr. Elizabeth, 'Z' Delgado, a graduate of UCLA in Linguistics and Anthropology, attempted to silence her fellow civilian teammate by stomping on his toes.

General Hammond grunted. "And you," Hammond said, addressing the final member of the newly formed SG team, "What do you have to say for yourself, Captain Tate?"

Captain Sky Tate stood ramrod straight, his eyes focused anywhere but on his superior officers. His near perfect regulation stance was ruined by the traces of blue and gold ribbons entwined in his short hair and smudges of what looked like makeup around his ice blue eyes. There may or may not have been spots of rouge on his cheeks.

"Sir. It was cultural misunderstanding."

"So I gathered."

"Perhaps if our linguist had translated the Hcetwen's Chieftain correctly--"

"Hey!" Z protested from the back.

"This might not have happened."

"I told you not to touch their scared altar!"

"Actually, Z," Syd said with a touch of disdain, "you told us 'not to so much as breathe' on anything inside the temple."

"And I was right!"

"The altar wasn't in the temple!"

"It was in the general circumference of the temple! I told you not to touch anything that might look breakable!"

"It was made of stone!"

"And look who broke it, trying to use it as a park bench!"

"Stone's not supposed to break!"

"Actually--" Dr. Carson began.

"Shut up Bridge!" the two shouted.

"Enough!" Hammond bellowed. Syd instinctively snapped back to attention at the sharp tone; Z merely crossed her arms and settled with glaring daggers at the older woman.

Meanwhile Jack was trying very unsuccessfully to keep a smile off his face. "Sir, perhaps we should just stop here and bring in Captain Tate's...partner?"

Hammond looked thoughtful for a moment. "Will he be any trouble?" Hammond addressed this to Daniel Jackson.

Daniel frowned slightly. "I don't think so. The Hcetwen have a very pacifistic culture. The fact that Captain Tate's team was threatened at all is extremely abnormal."

"Destroying the table of the gods will do that to people," Z mumbled. It was Bridge's turn to elbow his teammate into silence.

Hammond exchanged glances with his second in command for a moment before giving the briefest of nods. Jack raised his radio to his lips and spoke with a lazy drawl.

"Time to bring our 'guest' in, Sergeant Harrington."

Within moments Sergeant Drew Harrington, a rather sour faced officer, was at the door, escorting an elegantly dressed young man into the room. The Hcetwen pulled against the tight grip Harrington had on his arm, his wide eyes rapidly scanning the faces in the room in search of someone. Angry brown eyes finally settled on Captain Tate and having sighted his target, the Hcetwen began to pull painfully against the Sergeant's grip.

"It's not polite to bruise our guests," Jack hissed as he clamped a hand on Harrington's shoulder. The officer flinched and then abruptly let go of his charge.

"Easy," Daniel tried to calm their visitor in his own language. "It's ok, you're among friends here."

The Hcetwen ignored Daniel, and glared at Harrington before letting loose with a flowing stream of sharp syllables and heavily accented consonants.

Daniel's eyebrows rose together in amusement. "Ah Sergeant...unless you want to find yourself missing a very important organ, I suggest you vacate the room as soon as possible."

Harrington paled at Jackson's words. He gave a hasty salute to his commanding officers before bolting for the door, nearly running over the marine who had now stationed himself at the doorway.

O'Neill smirked. "Do we get turns guessing which organ?"

Daniel turned the 'gee, you are stupid' look on Jack. "No."

Dr. Delgado coughed and turned away to mask the huge grin on her face.

Daniel turned at the sound. "And some of those words didn't sound like they came from the Hcetwen language, Doctor," he said in an accusatory tone.

"Perhaps they were from a different dialect?" Z said with an innocent shrug.

"Different dialect, or different planet?"

"Ah..."

"With all due respect, Sirs," Captain Tate interrupted, "Can we please address the current problem?"

Sky gestured to the Hcetwen. The young man had taken advantage of the distraction and had managed to lock arms with the disgruntled young officer. The Hcetwen's wedding robes were a deep red with a gold trim that matched the material in Tate's hair. Pieces of shell and red beads bedecked the dreadlocks of the alien. For some unknown reason Tate's dog tags now hung from the other man's neck, the silver metal twisted with blue ribbon.

O'Neill grinned. "Now what problem is that, Captain?"

Tate's eyes bulged comically. "HIM Sir!" Tate attempted to lift his elbow; the Hcetwen for his part appeared to have an iron grip on his 'husband' and Sky was only able to twitch his arm in irritation.

"He has a name I assume."

"Ah...yeah. His name was unpronounceable, even for me," Z interjected. "We decided to call him 'Jack' instead."

"Jack," the Hcetwen spoke up suddenly. "Me Jack." The young man looked extremely proud of himself.

Col. O'Neill on the other hand, had a frozen expression on his face. "You named the alien after me?"

"Actually," Dr. Carson corrected, "We tried a bunch of different names. I personally liked T-Top, but no one else liked that one very much, so Z started to call him Jack because he kept trying to boss Sky around like he was his CO or something and the guy really liked the sound of 'Jack' so it kinda...just...stuck..." Bridge trailed off as he noticed the death glare Jack O'Neill was now sending him. "Ah...yeah...I'll shut up now."

General Hammond closed his eyes and silently counted to ten. "Without any other digressions," he said slowly, "I need one of you to summarize exactly what happened."

Four voices immediately began speaking in various tones of urgency; Sky's voice the loudest and Syd's the most shrill.

"ENOUGH!" Hammond roared. "I said ONE of you...Lt. Drew! Front and center!"

Syd shot forward.

"I need concise explanations--Did you manage to restore diplomatic ties with the Hcetwens?"

"Yes Sir. Because S--Captain Tate married the Chieftain's son, it would appear that our treaties are secure in that region."

Hammond nodded. "Fine. Then why is Jack here instead of on his planet?"

This time Dr. Delgado stepped forward. "Sir? If I may...according to Hcetwen law, Jack and Captain Tate are now 'pair-bonded'. Pair bonding is more than just a diplomatic marriage--it has a deeply spiritual and cultural significance. According to their culture, Jack and Sky cannot be separated for at least the first five years of marriage; they are 'bound' to each other."

Captain Tate paled at his linguist's words. Sensing his husband's distress, Jack shot a dirty look at Z and tightened his arms around Sky. Surprisingly, Sky accepted the grip without showing much reaction.

"O..k..." O'Neill said. "Did...'Jack' have any say in this marriage?"

Z blinked. "Well I suppose he has as much say in it as Sky did."

"So we have a man here against his will?" Hammond questioned.

"Well, Jack protested. A lot. We could hear the arguments, even though all of us were too far away to understand them," Syd said softly.

"Jack won't tell me what those arguments were about though," Z countered. "For all I know, the guy wanted a bigger dowry."

"Dare I ask how much our human trade cost us?" Jack made a face of disgust.

"There was no dowry, Sir," Sky clarified. "Dr. Delgado is just being crude."

"So, let me get this straight. Did the Hcetwens force Jack to participate in the ceremony in the same way that Captain Tate was or was he the consenting individual?"

"Ah...he wasn't, I mean, Jack's not.--" Z crunched her forehead in confusion.

Daniel quickly came to Z's rescue. "General, I suspect that while marrying Captain Tate was not something Jack wanted, he would have most likely accepted the arrangement as his duty as a member of his village. It's most likely he consented but based on the concept of cultural shaming and tribal hierarchy...well. It's complicated. Will is not quite the issue here."

O'Neill snorted. "Yeah I'm sure the guy was delighted to leave his home planet to shack up with SGC's 'best and brightest'". Jack spoke while putting air quotes around the words best and brightest.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying, he's not Kunta Kinte, Jack."

"You're using Roots to describe our latest alien situation?" Jack looked incredulous. "What are you, trapped in the 70s or something?"

"Shove it, Jack."

The Hcetwen Jack looked confused by the sound of his name being thrown about randomly. After watching Daniel and Jack O'Neill for a few minutes, he turned and poked Dr. Carson with his free hand. Bridge startled and then locked eyes with Hcetwen Jack. "Ah...Sir...I don't think Jack..our Jack...likes being ignored."

Daniel looked up. "You understand him?"

"Not really," Bridge winced when Jack poked him again, harder this time, in the chest. "Just a hunch...ow!"

"Is there really any way we can clear this up right now, Dr. Jackson?" General Hammond asked as he moved his hand to to pinch at the bridge of his nose.

"Probably not, General."

"You're not sending him back, are you Sir?" Bridge suddenly asked in a worried tone. "Cause it wouldn't really be fair--I don't think his people would be very...happy."

Hammond turned to look at Z.

"Jack's return could be seen as a failure on our part to keep within the treaty," Z said slowly. "Plus the fact that pair-bonded mates cannot be separated...I don't know what the consequences are exactly, Sir, but they're probably severe."

"As much as it pains me to admit it, Dr. Delgado has a point," Drew said uneasily. "It's not fair to risk Jack's life like that for something we did."

"Please!" Bridge gave the General what could only be described as puppy dog eyes.

General Hammond paused. "Captain Tate?"

Sky Tate stood for a long moment. For the first time since Jack entered the room, Tate turned to stare directly at his husband. Jack held Sky's gaze with an unreadable expression on his face.

Finally, Sky returned his gaze to General Hammond. "I agree with my teammates. Jack should stay on base for his own safety."

Sensing that something momentous had occurred, Jack moved to cup the back of Sky's head, while wearing a facial expression that could almost be interpreted as indulgent.

Meanwhile General Hammond gave his young officer a brief approving look. "Very well then. I'm assigning you and Lt. Drew to our guest for the next 12 hours. Doctors Delgado and Carson, you are to report to Dr. Jackson so that you may continue to sort this... confusion out with the Hechtwens. Dismissed."

With that, General Hammond headed out of the conference room, desperately seeking his office for some peace and quiet... and most likely some aspirin.

"I think I forgot to mention," Col. O'Neill drawled as he patted Tate on the back, "Congratulations, Captain. I'm sure Jack here will make you a happy man."

Tate choked slightly. "Sir, I--"

"Ah ah ah!" Jack O'Neill shook his finger. "You can't tell and I can't ask," he sing songed. "I'm pretty sure this type of marriage is illegal in Colorado too, but hey, you know what they say. What happens on P3X-489, stays on P3X-489."

"Stop being an ass, Jack," Daniel scolded. "Leave the poor kids alone."

"Although, you know only the best teams end up married on their first mission. But I think Sky might have one up you by marrying a man, Danny."

"Hilarious Jack."

"Jealousy doesn't become you, Daniel."

"Hmm you're right Jack. It doesn't. I guess this means I'm going to have to work all this jealousy out alone tonight," Daniel replied as he headed towards the door.

"Yeah--huh?" Jack paled slightly. "I mean...haha, Daniel. Very funny--wait, where are you going? Alone? Daniel?"

Bridge, Z and Syd trailed behind their COs with bemused expressions, leaving Sky Tate and Jack alone in the conference room. As soon as his teammates left the room, Sky allowed himself to relax slightly, the softest of sighs escaping his lips.

"Well that went well. I ah...I suppose you want something to eat?" Sky asked his new husband.

Jack blinked and then rested his head against Sky's broad shoulder.

"I didn't mean to break the damn table," Sky protested softly.

Jack nuzzled Sky's jacket.

"We're gonna have to work out some kind of sign language or something."

Jack kissed the bottom of Sky's chin.

Sky blushed. "And while we're at it, some kind of code for personal space."

Jack kissed Sky on the lips.

"...and...maybe you could not do that in public? Ok, Jack?"

Jack smiled as Sky wrapped his arms around his pair-bonded.

"O..k...Sky."


End file.
